Hardcore Moolah

I remember when I was in school one of my classmates asked me why my father didn't buy me a car despite the fact he sold cars. I told him that's my dad's business and it has nothing to do with me. He said my dad was hard on me because I caught the bus to school. I didn't have a driver's license and it was my responsibility to get a car. My dad helped me out with it to my surprise. It was my car to insure and maintain. My dad wasn't hard on me. He was firm with me. My dad meant what he said and showed me how to be a man's man by example. I remember my dad saying my brother was hard on my nephew. My brother was kinda tough on my nephew but he taught my nephew man shit. Now that my brother has passed on, I'll continue the job with my nephew. My nephew is a teenager but I see traits in him I'm proud of. My uncles are all men of honor. Certain things are expected and aren't to be compromised. You don't let people run over you or mark you out. You don't compromise what you work for as a man for bullshit. A former associate told me I'm hard on another former associate because the former associate wasn't on man shit. At any given time I would've broken that former associate's face in half for being a snake. Out of kindness I didn't whoop his ass. Those former associates didn't get I was raised to be tough and live devoid of bullshit. I earned things. I worked hard and smart to reach goals. I will share what I have to a certain extent if you're with me 100%. If you're not with me, I go on about my business. I've heard I'm hard on women. I'm really not hard on women. I just have expectations I want out of a wife. A girlfriend is temporary. I'm grown now. Girlfriends are something I had a few years ago. If I don't see queen-like qualities in a woman, I just can't make her a top priority. Harsh? Maybe but it's clear and concise. I will treat every woman I like fairly in a gentlemanly way. Doesn't mean I'll introduce every woman I meet to my family. I've taken the hard road and done things I don't like for what I want out of life. I expect anyone close to me to be willing to do the same for what they want. My father wasn't hard on me. He raised me to make something of myself and be a man's man. Maybe I might be harder on some people than others but I'm honest. A couple good people I know are harsh with me and vice-versa. Our friendship with each other works because of that harsh honesty. My biggest thing is being understood and respected. It's simple but that's what I want. I have been through some things and am much happier. My depression is suppressed now. I went through some harsh shit. I'm happy. Thanks, Dad and Happy Father's Day. You made me a man's man that knows what he wants out of life. The other day I changed my tire. All my dad had to do was take me to the tire shop. He was proud I had everything set up to go. He met my tire guy and was proud I helped him out with a business venture. I think I'm who ai always wanted to be. I couldn't get here being spoiled and hard-headed. The harshness of what I've been through and a lot of prayer got me here. Praise God. - Moolah

Things My Exes Taught Me

The girl I thought I would marry got tired of me not being who she wanted to be. I refused to be who she wanted me to be. I had known her since elementary school and am still very cool with her sister. She loved my mom and mom often asked about her until I told my mom I didn't keep up with her. Once I stop messing with someone, there is no effort to be "friends" with them. I didn't chase her contrary to what she thought. We chose each other. At a time in my life when I wanted money and my aspirations, she chose to leave me alone. I left it alone and never talked to her again because she refused to communicate with me. I have not spoken to her since because there was no point in it but shout lout to her cool-ass sister, my drinking buddy. My last SERIOUS girlfriend knew where I stood and went out of her way to see me. She lived thirty minutes away and would drive to my place or meet me to see me. Before we got serious I took a trip out of town. She asked me if I had met anyone out of town and if I got some out of town. In my self-depricating humor I told her nobody even looked at me. She told me I was full of shit and I told her about this girl from Atlanta I met at Sobe Live. She constantly joked with me about it, joined me out of town and met the majority of my friends. Our relationship worked because she was open with me right until the end. She called me a cheap-ass Negro for having my lights off all the time in my place. The point was that she told me what was on her mind and I respected her for it. We broke up because her daughter was hitting puberty hard and she couldn't balance her family and our relationship. I respected that. Before and after her I met someone that was a selfish Type-A personality that wanted girlfriend treatment without girlfriend responsibilities on her end. We took a long break and she reached out to me at a crucial time in my life. I wasn't available to her like I had been before so she met somebody else. She reached out to me again when she saw me out but I was cool on her. These different women taught me about myself. I was with them at different stages of my life and have helped shape my views on relationships now. They taught me that I cannot be with someone that is emotionally inequipped to be open with me about what's on her mind. I prefer someone that will let me know what she thinks good, bad or indifferent. Someone that can't be open with me no matter how much mutual caring is there, will not work for me. If she can't handle business for myself or my family if I really needed her to, it will mot work for me. If she turns to Facebook or Twitter to talk about me instead of talking to me, it will not work for me. If she is waiting on me to do something and I'm unaware of what she wants because she doesn't ask me a direct question, well...it won't work for me. I had someone else I really loved that was willing to move across the country for me. I messed it up because I was honest and told her there was someone else in the picture because she was away. She and I weren't monogamous so I had carte blanche to do what I wanted. She had someone else too but I was the asshole because she "never expected me to do that". I learned not to cheat from her and to be with someone I wouldn't want to cheat on. I learned to be a good guy that wants to be happy with a woman that loves me but is honest with me and open to communication. I've learned what I want out of a relationship and not to compromise that. I learned what I want that would make me happy. My exes taught me what I needed so I can realize what I want from a woman in a monogamous relationship. I've been told my standards are high for a girlfriend. Girlfriends are cool but a a grown woman that carries herself and can meet me in a 100% commitment is my preference. Peace - Moolah

I Can See Jimi Hendrix

I went to church this morning and ran into my Godbrother today. This is my real Godbrother I've known forever. We used to play in the sandbox at Barrett Brothers Park. We had an R2-D2 toy chest filled with toy guns. Every gun you could think of in plastic in different colors. Cap guns, water guns, and just regular toy guns all in that toy chest. I hadn't seen him in months but he almost didn't recognize me. For the past six months I've been growing my hair out and it surprises people that haven't seen me in a while. I also have a full beard which I've never had as a full adult. I've always kept a low Caesar with a mustache until the last six months. In this picture from Mardi Gras you can see my beard but you can't see my hair because it was cold and that hat was warm. I've grown my hair out because I wanted to and creatively I feel the freest I've felt since I was a kid. It's liberating. I'm sure I may cut it to a low Caesar at some point but for right now, I don't care about how my hair looks. I wear hats and hoods most of the time and I'm not trying to impress anyone. This reminds me of when Sidney Deane told Billy Hoyt in White Men Can't Jump that Billy can't see Jimi Hendrix because he didn't have the soul. Jimi Hendrix was a free spirit that let his creativity flow any chance he got. Right now that's how I feel. I don't even bother to pick it out. If I did, I'd look like Dr. J in 1975 playing for the New York Nets. I can see Jimi Hendrix. I went out to The Loft to support my dude Indiana Rome (who I've always said is one of the most talented people I know bar none) in his quest to open Super Jam this summer at Scott Trade Center. As soon as I walked in, my friends were surprised I hadn't cut my hair. They've seen me a couple months back but I guess they figured I'd gone to the barber shop since then. Nope. I haven't seen my barber since November when I got a lining. I have razors that I shave with. Creatively I'm making the most soul-bearing music I've ever made. It's a process. My friends in music have released a lot of work and done a lot of shows over the last year. I've done a few shows here and there but that's not my focus. My focus is to make money, capital, revenue and I've spent the last few months with my business partner doing that in a better manner than before. So when you change your methods, you hope to get a change in results. We're getting better results. The creativity in that process is better for me and I can get what Jimi was doing when he didn't compromise his creativity. He wasn't scared to "go there". He wasn't scared to bend or break rules that shouldn't have existed in the first place. He didn't care about what anyone though. He cared about getting his art out and doing it the best way possible. That's where I am in my life and also being a better person. I'm a lot more patient than I'd ever been and my outlook on a lot of things have improved. I needed time to figure out what to do and it helped me grow. My hair might get cut next week but I might wait. It's not a pressing issue for me. It's not an Afro. It's just curly hair I haven't cut, nothing major or political about it. Jimi let his hair grow wild. I was sitting in church this morning and it hit me that I like my creativity more than I care about cutting my hair. A lot of stuff that was important to me before just isn't that important. My creativity is one of those things I pray I hold onto. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @duckyhines - Peace

My Mom's Basement Is A Museum Of 90s Hip Hop

I moved out of my mom's house a looooonnnngggg time ago and risked my freedom a few times to assure that stayed the same while I was buying Jordans and Polo all the time. I had a car note and rent to pay but damn, I had to stay fresh. I'm digging through my YouTube subscriptions and listening to Def Squad classics (Erick Sermon, Redman & Keith Murray among others). I used to come home from school, eat Pop Tarts, watch Rap City then go play basketball. This music for me shaped my taste in fashion and music. My friends used to tell me I listened to too much East Coast music. I wasn't the only one in school that did but I was wearing Timberlands and rugby shirts because that's what I saw in the video. I listened to Boot Camp Click, Lords Of The Underground, UGK, MC Breed (RIP) and obviously Pac and Biggie. People still get in debates in about who was better between Pac and Biggie. I never do because I can break down the fact that  Pac is an underrated lyricist. Listen to "No More Pain" and tell me he wasn't spitting. Also, Pac did the majority of his songs in one recording take. He did a lot of vocals and ad-libs but all in one take. Biggie as documented didn't write the majority of his lyrics down. He painted pictures without writing them down and influenced how I come up with my own rhymes. There was a time when Jay-Z wasn't the most popular rapper in the world. I remember that time. I also remember the first time I heard "Juicy" on the radio. I was in Chicago ironically buying a Source Magazine with Pac on the cover. I didn't like "Juicy" at first but it was on the radio every twenty minutes. I got home from Chicago and everyone was jamming Bone Thugs N Harmony "Thuggish Ruggish Bone" tough. Up and down West Florissant, people were playing Bone out of cars but Biggie not so much. I remember the first time I heard Illmatic. My homeboy actually caught somebody slipping on a bus and gave me Illmatic because he didn't like it. A few years later he asked me if I still have it. I told him I do. Then he asked if he could borrow it. I told him like on House Party with the CD commercial, "No, my brother you have got to get your own". Then he reminded me that he gave it to me and I told him you don't give away Illmatic, Reasonable Doubt, The Chronic, All Eyez On Me and Enter The Wu Tang expecting to get them back. I also gotta add Juvenile's 400 Degreez. I have all the above CDs except All Eyez On Me. Other CDs like my Das Efx, Redman, Mary J. Blige My Life are in my mom's basement at her house in many of my Air Jordan shoe boxes. See, I didn't just listen to East Coast Hip-Hop. Every classic 90's Hip Hop CD I've either had or had disappear out of thin air. My 400 Degreez is still in my CD case at home with my Reasonable Doubt. I also had No Limit CDs and I don't care what anyone says about Master P. He belongs in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame for taking what Eazy E (RIP) did with Ruthless Records and taking it to another level for an independent record label. Death Row was dope but Suge Knight's bad business killed them. Puffy had Bad Boy and carried the roster after Biggie's demise. Cash Money doesn't get enough credit for not only breaking ground in The South but for making history with their $30,000,000 distribution. Also "Bling Bling" is a part of lexicon that will never die. There are so many other CDs I have like Gang Starr, Dogg Pound etc. Watching old videos brings back memories of what I loved about Hip Hop. I'm not going to bash what is called rap now but I know why I fell in love with the culture in the first place. Peep my blogs at http://www.citydivision.com Peace