George Jung Got Marked Out

Before I start my day I wake up and thank God for waking me up. I get regular sleep nowadays. The thought that you'll sleep when you're dead because you're on your so-called grind will lead you to bad health. I enjoy life too much and have so many things to do within the allotted time during 24 hours. Pardon me for being a human being. I get them done and I get sleep. What a noble concept! So I told myself I would blog more. I'm blogging more as you can read but from a different perspective. Through church (I'm not opening a religious diatribe here, I need to go because I've lived a life so far that warrants me going so let me cook) I've been reminded to be humble. Life itself will humble you if you're believing your hype or full of yourself so I walk humbly. I last posted about my fight to avoid clinical depression and I've posted about being a loner. I'm the youngest of three and my siblings were much older than me so I had time to myself. My mom worked out other people's problems at the welfare office for nine hours a day and was too stressed out to play Legos with me during the week. Just now she was mortified to learn I thought she didn't WANT to play games (Chutes N Ladders, Uno etc) with me when I was a kid. She felt bad then I reminded her how nice she is and I won the mom lottery because she's open-minded, funny and brutally honest. She told me when girls weren't good enough to meet her. She also let me watch Scarface and The Godfather. Through those movies I saw a code of honor which real criminals I befriended in my younger days carried. They did real stains. They wanted me to play sports or be a productive member of society. They also appreciated that I wasn't soft. In the movie Blow depicting the life of Boston George, government name George Jung I regularly saw this man get marked out around real cutthroats. Diego was a charismatic fuck up. DIEGO WAS A CHARISMATIC FUCK UP!!! George really should've had rounds in the pistol when he caught up with George on the island but he wasn't bout that life. He was a mark. He knew he was a mark but was only alive because Pablo Escobar wanted him alive to make the cartel money. I've stole on people for less than taking my business connect and turning that plug against me. I was never a thief or a larcenist. Those are bitch crimes. Anybody I know that stole actually robbed folks. Not saying that's upstanding but they carried the Henry Hill way of life stealing anything not bolted down and robbing folks at gunpoint for big shit. My big homie had choppers and sawed off shotguns in his bedroom and pounds of weed on checker boards. People didn't come in our hood trippin' or mess with anyone in the circle. I grew up with cats I had to fight every now and then but when someone tripped with one of us, they had beef with all of us. That's loyalty. That's what I grew up in. Then we all kicked it together. I had friends outside of my hood try to do me in like Diego. They wanted to take my business plugs and use them against me or not compensate me. When I didn't hand over the plug (because you NEVER give up your plug and they weren't worthy anyway) they got pissy about it and talked about my back because of it. When I fronted them they could see I wasn't playing about going there and fucking my life up to prove I wasn't playing. They got marked out. George Jung took his wife from his homeboy's homeboy who never liked him in the first place. George Jung constantly got marked out in Blow. Watch it. You'll see. It used to frustrate me that people would test me then make me out to be the asshole when I called them on it and was willing to go there with them. In business you'll have people that will constantly try to mark you out. In your personal life you'll have people that may try to mark you out. I had to get over this. It's a way of life so I try to stay woke and alert of my surroundings. I also got over a lot of shit that used to bother me or that I used to enjoy. I used to enjoy the company of heauxs. Again, I NEVER paid these heauxs. The heauxs paid me. That shit is stressful. I used to like the clubs every chance I get. I still do but I rarely go to clubs unless there's music business involved. I really, really, really used to enjoy copping new Jordans. Hypebeasts (scum of the earth that drive up the price and drive down the availability of normal and exclusive sneakers) ruined the shoe game. I have sneaker plugs and I only give them up to people that I know would do the same for me. However, I don't want EVERY pair of Jordans that came out like I used to. Black and Red Jordan 1s...didn't want them. I got the red and white pair. Gamma Blues...didn't want them. I have OG Space Jams. Space Jams are more exclusive than Gamma Blues. Taxi 12s...I still have 04 French Blue UK 12s, OG Finals 12s and Flint 12s. I had the Taxis in the 90s. I've worn the same size shoes since I was 11 years old. I DON'T NEED NEW JORDANS. I spend my time being more productive and being happy. I make my music, travel, do shows, laugh with friends and take less stock in rappity-rap shit than I used to. I see my family. Since my brother passed away, I take each day as a blessing more. He lived his life to the fullest. I don't like having my time wasted so I don't waste it on things I don't enjoy or that can't help me. Life will mark you out if you let it. I knew people that stole and carried guns at all times because we thought is was normal. How fucked up is that? For a while I was concerned I wouldn't be able to adapt to normal society because my normal surroundings involved drugs, guns and not trying to end up shot. My brother moved his family out far so my nieces and nephew wouldn't live the life we lived. What was normal to me was not normal and in some ways it fucked me up for a while. I have nieces and nephews that look to me for answers and love to laugh with me. That's what makes me happy. I look at my top closet in my bedroom closet and I like my shoes. I love my family. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy my music and I enjoy doing shows. Rappity-rappers, so-called promoters (shoutout all the promoters I know that do real business), fake important music industry people (one time for all the people in the industry I respect and do good business with), heauxs, hangers-on, bottom-feeders and lames will try to mark you out in life. You just gotta concentrate on those that love you and make a better life for yourself. That is my goal every day. Enjoy your life, be happy and feel blessed...also don't get marked out like George Jung. Oh, yeah...I don't make New Year's resolutions. I plan ahead and pray to see tomorrow while acting out that plan. One day, each day with a plan. I just thank God for each day and prepare to enjoy life while making strides to be a better me. Follow me on Twitter @duckyhines Peace. - Moolah

My Vido Deprecion

I've been very busy not posting. I can say most of my blogs on past relationships though true were driven by ego. I can admit that. What I can also admit though I haven't been clinically diagnosed is that I suffer from depression. It comes and goes. Those that know me will say I'm a very happy-go-lucky person. I have my moments when I don't want to go out and interact with people. Maybe I have social anxiety disorder or maybe I've been stabbed in the back by people I never thought would do such a thing. When my brother passed away last year one of my biggest supporters spiritually left in the flesh. I feel my big brother's spirit with me. I'm not ashamed to share I have thoughts where I don't know if I can trust people. I'm not ashamed to say I hate asking my friends to do the simplest things for me. I don't know if it's pride or showing vulnerability but my friends, real friends that they are never judge me. They may laugh at me like I laugh at them when we joke but in all seriousness some of my best friends aren't people I grew up with. I talk to only a few people I grew up with. Everyone else I consider real friends I met as a teenager or a full grown adult. My depression may have affected my relationships with women. I went through a phase where I wanted a girlfriend and would make someone my girlfriend because I thought that's what I'm supposed to do. It also may have contributed to my affinity for heauxs years ago. I never paid the heauxs but they made cool company in the club, in the car and in my life temporarily. I don't associate with heauxs now. It's too much work dealing with a career, handling money and heaux problems. Heaux problems are sad. Heaux problems weigh on you even if you have nothing to do with the heaux problems. I don't trust people and despite my happy face, I'm cynical as hell. I just hide it well but now you know if you're reading this. I've learned if you can't commit to someone and they can't commit to you, it doesn't matter how cute they are or how they compliment you. I'm grateful despite the changes in my life that I'm sane, I have a car and a place of my own to live. I'm grateful I have talent that I capitalize from that I've shared with the world. I'm happy for my friends' successes small and great. I'm not a miserable person. I know some truly miserable people that would piss on a little kids' parade and look at the kid like something was wrong with them. I know why I took a break from dealing with music and the music industry. When my brother died I needed a break. All the preening, woofing, faking it til they make it and illusions that go on made me detest the music business. It paled in comparison to what I had going on in real life. It was real but seemed unnecessary. When you don't care about what's going on in something you love, it's a problem. I didn't care about new songs I couldn't relate to or who was having a party. I didn't care. I still don't but I take stock in that stuff if I can relate to it. Creatively I wasn't in a good place so I needed a break. I needed to grieve and get myself in order. At this time an ex-girlfriend wanted to be back in the picture when I wasn't in a capacity to deal with her. She encouraged me to be around people. It helped. Then I needed to be alone. She couldn't understand that but then again, she's a Type A personality and I don't deal with Type A personalities too kindly. It wasn't going to work and I left her alone...again. People think that because someone has a talent in the music industry, it should be easier for them to be "on". It's actually the contrary. Talent is a big help but business connections are the key to music and any other industry one could be in. I wasn't in a space to deal with the business and the creative process so I stopped. I went out to support friends and be around them. I wasn't trying to buddy hustle like I see so many other people do. I wasn't trying to be seen. I was trying to get myself out of the depression I felt. Professionally I was cool but not fulfilled. Seeing my friends succeed made me feel better about what I had going on. When you get an inside look at something on your own (which I had to do because despite what some think, nobody held my hand - pause - in the process) you learn how to navigate through it if you're smart. I've connected with like-minded people and made moves. Depression made me want to give up and not deal anymore but determination motivates me to push forward. I have personal issues to work out but I'll continue to be the nicest, assisting, determined, supportive person I've tried to be my adult life. Yes, I have moments when I don't want to get out of bed. Then I realize I was awaken by a higher power and I'd be remiss not to be productive and accomplish goals. My depression, Lord willing won't get the best of me and I have no qualms admitting it had me down. I have no qualms knowing I may feel depressed around my friends but I won't bring them down with me. I won't be a killjoy. I have a purpose in life. I live to fulfill that purpose. - Moolah